


Kind like an Asshole

by Lacertae



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Brotp, Cheering Up, Fluff, Gen, M/M, poking fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-28
Updated: 2013-03-28
Packaged: 2017-12-06 17:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/738316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacertae/pseuds/Lacertae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat's feeling down, and Dave tries his best to be a good bro.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kind like an Asshole

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this for a tumblr request 'amuse me' which was a chara trying to cheer up another. Due to otps, I chose Davekat. I'm sorry for the shitty jokes orz I tried ;^;

Karkat heaved a sigh as the screen scene slowly faded into black, signalling the end of the movie.

At his side, he felt and heard Dave stretch and arch his back, popping a few bones before standing up, and he grunted, wrapping both arms around his knees.

“Have to say, it wasn’t as disappointing as I thought it would be,” Dave commented, smirking slightly and leaning towards the remote to shut down the TV. “What’d you think, Karkat?”

Karkat remained silent, not really feeling like talking –then again, he didn’t have to, as Dave liked to fill up the silence easily.

“C’mon man, you gotta admit the movie was pretty funny,” as expected, Dave had taken Karkat’s silence to mean he had disliked the movie, and was now trying to coax something out of him. “You were the one who wanted to see it, labelling it, and I quote,” and here Dave’s voice lowered a bit, trying and failing to imitate Karkat’s own growling tone, “one of the fucking highlights of the troll romcom industry,” he snickered. “Shouldn’t you be the one gushing around at the way the guy, Sharzi–”

“Shwari,” Karkat replied automatically, burying the lower half of his face in his arms.

“–Shwari, right, whatever… the way Shwari wooed in his pale that cute jade troll? You’re the one digging all the weird quadrant shit”.

A pang of pain fluttered from the inside of his thorax cavity, and Karkat mercilessly stomped on it.

Apparently realising that something was wrong, Dave froze and kneeled in front of Karkat, eyeing him speculatively from behind his dark shades. After a moment, in which the troll pointedly avoided looking at the human, Dave licked his lips and slouched down, awkwardly sitting in front of Karkat.

“… Karkat?”

His voice sounded hesitant, almost uncertain, but Karkat didn’t look up.

“What’s wrong, man?” one hand reached out to poke at his arm, and Karkat didn’t react to it, simply burying the rest of his face in the crook of his arms.

“Shit, did I say something wrong again,” there was a sudden spike of worry in Dave’s tone, so Karkat mumbled something negative, in a vague attempt to reassure him. “Then what’s the matter? The movie hit the wrong button in your cinematographiliac brain, turning it into a silent tantrum of doom?”

Karkat huffed, lips turning into a thin line, but didn’t move one inch.

He heard Dave exhale.

“… ok. Not it, then. Karkat, come on, aren’t we bros? What’s wrong? Won’t you trust your friend here to listen to your woes without judging?”

Karkat snorted, the sound muffled by his sleeves. Even if he wanted to just come out and explain, what kind of massive idiot would he look like afterwards? Who could get depressed over seeing how a good moiraillegiance was supposed to work on-screen, while at the same time being afflicted by his own pale romance failures?

These were the thoughts that one usually shared with their own moirail, irony notwithstanding, not with an impromptu ‘bro’, as Dave liked to call them nowadays.

Besides, what the fuck, humans didn’t even do moiraillegiance, what would Dave even know about what Karkat was going through?

“Ah, I get it,” Dave shifted away from Karkat a bit, and the troll had to push down on the sudden panic that filled him at the thought that Dave was pulling away from him, probably to ignore him like all the others had done. “Ya can only get your talk on when you’re in company of obscenely painted juggalos. I can dig that, man”.

Soothing Karkat’s fears, Dave didn’t pull away completely –he’d only put enough space between the two that he could  wave his arms around with Karkat peeking at him from behind the folds of his sleeves.

Ok, he wasn’t going away, then, but…

Dave cleared his throat, and started talking, and much to Karkat’s surprise, his voice had taken a lower timber, which made him sound a bit like…

Oh, no. He _wasn’t_.

“Ain’t been ‘round much to play with my troll pale wife much,” he mimicked something with his arms that looked sort of like juggling, and Karkat shifted a bit, eyes wide. “Because I’m such a busy juggalo shit, all up and motherfucking playing with my pins and making myself a palace in the vents”.

“They’re not pins, they’re _clubs_ ,” Karkat growled, shifting away from his defensive position to stare at Dave, a pout on his lips. “That fucker’s using clubs, what kind of absolute shitfaced idiot would use _pinkind_ as _strife specibus_?”

Dave gave him a _look_ , which was obvious even if the human was wearing those stupid shades.

“I wouldn’t it put past him, I mean come on Karkat,” he said, his voice sounding like Dave was talking with someone very slow, “He wears sticky, disgusting make up, and he totally looks like he sold his only brush for a bunch of bean seeds”.

The first image Karkat got, thanks to Dave’s comment about pins, was of Gamzee joyfully throwing a severed head towards a line of pins, but it was gratefully pushed to the side by a much more amusing one of Gamzee climbing onto a magic bean stem.

“Oh, you mean like in ‘In which one young greenblood–” he started.

Dave’s hand snapped to cover his mouth, stopping him before he could even say more than a few words of the movie title, and Karkat grunted.

“Shhh, I’m on a roll, don’t break the concentration with your overly lengthy troll titles will you, ain’t the thing we need now”.

With a soft growl –though he’d been the first to be slightly annoyed by how long certain titles were and how much of a downer they could be, revealing most of the plot without even watching the movie first– Karkat pushed the hand away.

“And what would ‘the thing we need’ be?”

Dave pushed his shades down a bit –just enough that Karkat could see his red eyes.

“I’m the star here, Karkat, to let me do my thing here, hmm?” he lifted boy eyebrows and waggled them, and Karkat snorted at his idiocy, feeling his short-term annoyance vanish.

“Well then, you absolute idiot, do your thing”.

“Hmm, where was I, oh, yeah, the Juggalo idiot,” Dave pushed his shades back down. “I mean come on, yes he’s creepy, but it’s more like, waggling about in the dark, honking like ‘I’m going to bring back the cool in horns’, and who the hell even honks with their _voice_?! Like is that guy for real?”

Karkat snorted again, but his lips were trembling slightly, and Dave hummed softly, straightening back up, standing and slouching, mimicking Gamzee’s uncertain waddling.

“Honk,” he said, lowering his tone enough to make a passable imitation of the troll, but still keeping his voice emotionless. “I be all miracles n’ shit, bro”.

Karkat snorted again.

“Don’t let me get started on his shitty raps, that guy was stoned as fuck,” Dave continued. “I mean his rhymes could have worked like, ten years ago, but now? Man that shit is off the charts for how bad it is”.

Karkat groaned, throwing his head back. “Gods, I almost miss those raps, all he does nowadays is lurk in the dark and talk to himself, I swear something friend up inside his thinkpan,” he groaned.

“You must be even more delusional than I thought you to be, I mean what _I_ do? That’s rapping. What _he’s_ doing? That’s rippin’ up a hole in the fabric of cool, Karkat. What’s up with that rainbow shit he pulls when he thinks nobody’s watching?”

“He’s stolen the Mayor’s chalk again?” Karkat grunted, annoyed on the Mayor’s behalf.

“So now it’s just the Mayor’s chalk, and it’s not _my_ chalk?” Dave tried to sound hurt, but he _was_ on a roll, and he was making shit _happen_. “If he weren’t so creepy and weird all the time, he’d be the perfect face for the Skittles ads”.

Karkat snorted again, hiding his mirth behind one hand.

He was feeling a bit guilty because he was laughing as Dave made fun of his moirail, but…

At the same time, with the way Gamzee was treating him, ignoring him and being cold and distant, it felt also good to make a bit of innocent fun of him.

Things were getting worse steadily fast, and Karkat was left with only a handful of options, none of which quite appealing. So even if only for a second, he wanted to forget all the shit.

Just for a moment.

Dave watched Karkat snort and smirked, looking like he’d just won the lottery.

“Karkat, bro, look at me, look at me,” Dave scooted down again, eye level with the troll, and looked at him in the eyes.

Karkat looked up, meeting those shades, still snorting but not quite laughing yet, and Dave smirked before schooling his expression into an emotionless one. Then, he croaked out, in his best mocking Gamzee-voice, “Taste the motherfucking rainbow, bro –honk”.

Unable to restrain himself, Karkat snorted into his hand, breaking eye contact and doing his best to stifle his laughter, his throat rumbling out a mix of a croak and a chirp.

Dave smiled and leaned back, watching with some pride as Karkat tried to recompose himself.

“You’re awful,” Karkat grunted in-between chuckles, his shoulders shaking. “That was a shitty impression of Gamzee if I’ve seen one”.

“Oh, and would you do any better, Mr Vantas?”

“It wouldn’t take much to outdo you, Dave, you’re awful at this”.

“Oh, spare my feelings and teach me the ways of mockery, then”.

Karkat cleared his throat, still chuckling, and nodded.


End file.
